I just threw up on my dentist
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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