He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
