I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize