At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize