I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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