dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize