i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
