How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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