matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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