Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just threw up on my dentist
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
