So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
