Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My penis needs a shock collar
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize