I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
