I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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