I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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