Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
