Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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