smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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