I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
