At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
