Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
