i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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