I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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