Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
