Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
