Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
