and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize