Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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