I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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