Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I know her cup size but not her name....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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