New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
