Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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