I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
