woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
