What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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