I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize