So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
