so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
