would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
