I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
