Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
