whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
