it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
