I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
