Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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