So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
