She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize