i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
