omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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