Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
