She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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