Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
