i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
