Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
