im six kinds of drunk right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Michael Bay diarrhea
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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