let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
