btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
