and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
