So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
