Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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