Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize