someone get that fucking seahorse.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
