we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
