You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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