i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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