: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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