Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
