just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you never un-have a 4some
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
