Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
