Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
