So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
