The maid of honor just puked.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
