I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
